'n Ondersoek na die rol van lidmate in die proses van rou

Abstract

English: The bereaved find themselves dependent on the comfort and support of friends, family and parishioners after the loss of a loved one. Few other sources of support plays such an important roll within the first days and weeks after a loss. Professional counselors are usually only consulted in cases of complicated mourning. Literature on the process of mourning is hardly ever read by the bereaved within the first weeks due to the state of shock in which they find themselves. The way in which the bereaved are comforted can either have a negative (frustrating) or positive (facilitating) impact on the resolution of their grief. Comforting can have a negative effect in cases where the bereaved are denied ample opportunities of expressing their grief and encouraged to overcome their grief as soon as possible. This happens when explanatory interpretations and platitudes are offered instead of compassion. This is often done by theologizing, rationalizing or minimizing the loss. Parishioners can play a positive roll in the facilitation of the process of mourning if they have better perception of the griefwork that needs to be done by the bereaved to resolve their grief. Presence, a willingness to listen and the validation of a person's loss could make a meaningful and comforting contribution towards resolution. The study focuses on: Biblical coordinates concerning death, God's will and comforting by fellow believers; a literature study on the process of mourning and effective means of support and comforting; a qualitative investigation as to how the bereaved experience support; and a concept manual with guidelines for comforting the bereaved.

Afrikaans: Bedroefdes is ná die verlies van 'n geliefde deur die dood baie sterk aangewese op familie, vriende en ander belangstellendes soos lidmate, vir vertroosting. Ander bronne van vertroosting word veral binne die eerste dae en weke nie na behore benut. Professionele hulpverleners word meestal net betrek indien daar tekens van gekompliseerde rou voorkom. Literatuur oor die proses van rou kan nie binne die eerste dae (selfs weke) benut word nie as gevolg van die skokfase waarin bedroefdes meestal verkeer. Die wyse waarop mense bedroefdes probeer troos, kan positief (fasiliterend) of negatief (frustrerend) op die proses van rou inwerk. Dit word as negatief ervaar wanneer hulpverleners bedroefdes aanmoedig om hulle rou te onderdruk, of so gou moontlik te bowe te kom. Dit word dikwels gedoen deur verklarings vir die dood te probeer gee in plaas daarvan om te vertroos. Teologiese- sowel as rasionele "verklarings" word dikwels aangebied. Minimalisering van 'n persoon se verlies kom ook dikwels voor. Lidmate kan 'n positiewe rol speel in die fasilitering van die proses van rou indien hulle 'n beter verstaansraamwerk het van welke routake deur bedroefdes deurgewerk moet word om die proses van rou suksesvol af te handel. Deur teenwoordigheid, 'n bereidheid om te luister en die validering van iemand se verlies, kan lidmate op 'n betekenisvolle wyse vertroosting bied. Die studie bestaan uit Bybelse koordinate ten opsigte van die dood, die wil van God en vertroosting deur medegelowiges; 'n literatuurstudie oor die proses van rou en effektiewe wyses van hulpverlening; 'n kwalitatiewe ondersoek na bedroefdes se ervaring van hulpverlening; en 'n konsepgids vir die toerusting van lidmate.